|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Anger and Your Driving: Use Self-Talk to Create Safer VistasDate: January 28, 2001Place: Fashion Island, Newport Beach, California The incident: Jane, a middle aged professional woman had an altercation with another woman who accosted her after she refused to give up her parking spot. Jane clearly reached the coveted spot first, but the other woman asked her to move, explaining she was 20 minutes late for a doctor's appointment. At first, Jane thought it was a joke, but before she knew it, the two women were tussling on the concrete. Most people feel angry in situations when someone making outrageous requests of us. This is because our brains are ‘hardwired' to react with anger when we are frustrated or when obstacles prevent us from reaching our goals. Aggressive driving behavior is due, in part, to a breakdown of an individual's internal control of their emotions in public places. Other common driving frustrations and irritations that often cause angry feelings and weakening of control include being: Stuck in traffic while late for an appointment Delayed by a driver going 10 miles an hour below the speed limit Threatened by driver trying to intimidate you Getting cut off by a driver Gaining control of our emotions – and more importantly, our behavior – is often a matter of finding a way to change our perspective or vista of the situation. Frequently, what we tell ourselves is so automatic that we don't even realize what it is we are thinking; yet, our thinking patterns are what make us more angry or calm us by changing how we experience that which is frustrating us. Example 1: Getting cut off. Someone triggers anger by cutting you off in traffic; you automatically tell yourself things like ‘What a jerk; he has no right to do that to me; I'm going to get even; he did that to me on purpose; why does he disrespect me like that? How dare he do that to me, etc. Self-talk alternatives: Instead, try changing your self-talk to: I can stay calm; he might be a dangerous threat to me. I'm sure it is not personal; he is cutting me off because he is stressed and in a hurry. I'm not going to radiate and stoop to his or her level; there are many reasons for his or her behavior; maybe he just phoned his boss who said he would get fired if not in the office in the next ten minutes or he may be reacting to family responsibilities. Benefits of your new perspective: Increased tolerance and more understanding of possible reasons for the other driver's bad behavior. Resolve not to make his or her problems your problem. (Remember: it doesn't have to be!) Understand that getting even to right the wrong of another driver is not justified or rational. Remember that maintaining a hostile attitude on the road is harmful to society – innocent drivers, their families and their loved ones. Example 2: Slow driver: You are late to an appointment but stuck behind a gray-haired lady going 15 miles an hour below the speed limit. Your automatic thoughts: ‘Why does this always happen to me? She is doing this to make me late. Why can't she get out of my way? How inconsiderate she is! She shouldn't have a driver's license.' Self-talk options: She is not driving slowly to make me late; she probably isn't even aware of me. Maybe she is old and impaired and doing the best she can. Perhaps she just came from the doctor's office with bad news and is on the verge of tears. I can't control how fast she drives so why get upset? Angry feelings are a normal response to driving frustrations. Unfortunately, our ‘automatic thoughts' may increase these feelings and cause us to lose control. Learning different ‘self-talk' gives us a powerful tool to control our negative emotions on the road so we can avoid death, serious injury or legal problems. 2005 © Dr. Tony Fiore All rights reserved. About the author: Dr. Tony Fiore (www.angercoach.com) is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter "Taming The Anger Bee" at www.angercoach.com Circulated by Article Emporium Hunting the Fear Bear Back when I was 12, my best friend Shane and I spent most of our summer weekends camping in the thick woods behind my family's farm house. We'd pitch our tent next to the fishing pond and would spend the weekend in the great outdoors. While we imagined we were livi... Guys Beautiful Girls Date: You Can Be One "Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us."- Earl Nightingale I have a good friend, let's call him Ted, who's pretty average looking. He's short and occasionally puts on a little extra weight around his middle. Yet, before his marriage, he was always ... Ime To Make A Career Move? Stop Procrastinating! You know it's time to make a move. Your employer is a pain. The organization sucks. Your job is boring . . . and it doesn't pay what you deserve. You know you could do much better somewhere else. So, why aren't you outta there? The most common reason ... Anger and Your Driving: Use Self-Talk to Create Safer Vistas Date: January 28, 2001 Place: Fashion Island, Newport Beach, California The incident: Jane, a middle aged professional woman had an altercation with another woman who accosted her after she refused to give up her parking spot. Jane clearly reached the cov... Religion And Technology For centuries, the systems of communications throughout the world have been swiftly evolving. In the 1400s, the printing press created the ability for mass publication and circulation of literature, opening the door for the Christian gospel to reach around the world thro... What to do when your Alarm Clock doesn't Wake You Up Tring – Tring the alarm rings…but did you fail to wake up? You have a crucial meeting tomorrow. The last thing you do while sleeping is to set the timing s of your alarm clock, retaining full confidence in yourself of not making the blunder of getting late this time. But what happe... Let Go of Resentment Maureen worked in an office with twenty other people, processing checks. She didn't particularly like her job, but she didn't particularly dislike it either. Getting ahead in her career wasn't important to her until the day that her friend and co-worker Betty was promoted to be t... Psychic- Concentration Finds the Way Everyone has two natures. One wants us to advance and the other wants to pull us back. The one that we cultivate and concentrate on decides what we are at the end. Both natures are trying to gain control. The will alone decides the issue. A man by one sup... Self Improvement and Overcoming Frustration We all suffer from frustration, and being able to effectively deal with frustration is very important for self improvement. It can be a decisive factor between success and failure. Frustration can have highly damaging impact on our frame of mind. It can turn a positive pe... What makes a champion? Imagine for a moment that you are a champion. You are the best in your town . No, you are the best in your country. How does that make you feel? Good yeah? You are a champion. What are you the champion of? What is your major strength? Are you a good leader? A good strategist. A gre... Achieve All Your Goals Achieve All Your Goals What do you want out of life? Most of the people I talk to want to make life easier. They don't really care about dominating the world, or even reaching the pinnacles of success. They want to work a little less, make a little more money, have their rel... Is America Losing Its Religion? Has America known its finest hour? Are we loosing our religion and sanity as well? What is wrong with our society anyway? These are baffling questions that are frequently being asked by more and more people, even the media. From environmental pollution to spiritual pollut... How To Increase Creativity To increase creativity, you need to do two things. First, you need to encourage it. Second, you need to train your brain. Start on both of these right now, and you can experience greater creativity today. Encourage creativity and you'll increase creativity. This is true of... Job Search Tip: Master the FOUR BEES! Ok. So you've decided it's time to make a career move! Maybe you just got laid off. Or management is driving you crazy. Maybe you need to make more money. Or you're anxious to advance yourself. Whatever your reasons, it's critically important that you go into ... Top Ten Strategies For Becoming Uncommonly Successful Here are 10 of 26 proven strategies gleaned from interviews with highly successful people who have overcome obstacles to accomplish such feats at climbing Mt. Everest, winning a Grammy, becoming a multi-millionaire, becoming an established author and humorist, a professional pitche...
|
|
|||||
|
||||||